Creativity comes in waves for me. I am never ready, and often unsure if I will even respond. Lately, I have hidden it away. Partly because of laziness, but also because being creative reminds me of my purpose. I have surrendered to the lie that I am purposeless. Over the last couple of years I let myself be robbed of the Love that God has offered me. But I am tired. Tired of not having a reason to lift my feet forward. Tired of hiding creativity and purpose.
No more. I want to be creative. I want words to flow from my fingers and my lips into lines of wonder bringing glory to a God that is wonderful. What house builder does not build houses. What poet does not write verse. What tree stops breathing out fresh air. Or what ocean fails to roar out of the excess power of its own being. No, if any of these things were to quit it’s nature than it’s very existence would be put under question.
My existence has been called into account. Either I choose to reclaim my nature, the purpose given to me from birth, or I giving it up and cease to exist.
I like movies and books. If you look at the list of stories I enjoy the most they all capture the points of do or die. Any good story has moments when, either the hero does something daring, or everyone and everything he has worked for dies. Often times his daring deed is dangerous, risky, and not something a normal person would even try. I love do or die moments. I love standing at the gate of mordor and say today we fight. I love the broken hero who has one last plan.
I am broken. I have one last plan. But history only decides heroes on whether their lives saved others. So here I go. I am picking the pen back up. I am claiming my purpose. I am seeking a Love I used to know. I have one last plan. I am tired of letting the enemy of my own laziness and self. I refuse to believe the lies anymore. This is where I ride out to meet myself in battle. It is a battle that will take many years and much effort, but I will kill him. Regardless the amount of battles, I will win the war. I will kill him, my self will die with a sword through his gut and knife in he throat. The light is a deadly weapon, piercing everything. This is do or die.